Which is to say, purpaidh zaychek in de ruimte
A couple that are important to me.
- Please tell me if plans change. If one thing is planned to occur, and you would prefer this different thing to happen, engage me in that discussion. Maybe you’ve been controlled or told what you can & can’t do in the past, or maybe it’s something different, but that’s not this present circumstance. When you don’t engage me in that conversation (“Hey, i know we were planning on x, but new data and I’d like to z instead”) limits my ability to have a say about what goes on in my life. It’s a form of removing consent. I’m not ok with it. I might choose to do z, I might choose to do something else, I might feel disappointed but ALL of those are my choice that I get to make. If you remove my ability to make an informed decision in even a small way, I will be angry and resentful.
- If I ask to hang out, never feel obligated to. No is always an appropriate answer. Letting me know that you’ve got other plans is like the level two version of this. ”Sorry, I can’t, I’m spending the night with X” is not just utterly appropriate, but happiness inducing. I’ll probably give you a high five and just try again some other time. This is sort of a respect thing. I don’t respect my work - like, at all - so I lie about being sick or stuff like that. I don’t give them reasons. When engaging with people I respect - friends, lovers, coworkers - I strive to be honest because I feel their understanding matters. ”No” is important. ”No because” shows some kind of trust/respect. You know what happens if I feel envy? I get to deal with feeling envy, suss out it’s source, and work to obliterate it. I also get to feel compersion. Taking away my choice of action/reaction limits me, says “you’re not quite enough” and that’s much worse.
- Say your feels. This is that other part of the respect - give me data to function from. Allow me to make better choices instead of just mucking about.
things wrong with the sex positivity movement:
- white women telling women of color to reclaim the word slut. we’re already either hypersexualized or desexualized and tbh we dont even have the luxury of being able to ~*~reclaim~*~ slurs like that
- sex posi feminists dont care about…